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Emma O'Brien: Hi folks, welcome to season 2 episode 4 of the podcast today. My guest is Daniela Wolfe. And we're talking about how to increase your productivity and reduce your overwhelm 1st a bit about my guest. Daniela Helps, stressed and burnt out professionals, ditch the guilt and overwhelm productively, manage daily tasks with ease and have the time and energy for self-care
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Emma O'Brien: every day. She's been a licensed master social worker for 27 years, focusing on self-care stress management, skills, mindfulness, relationships, parenting and managing all the chaos of life.
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Emma O'Brien: Her mission is to empower you, to prioritise yourself on your to-do lists and to learn the strategies to make over your daily life, welcome to the podcast Daniela.
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Daniela Wolfe: Thank you so much, Emma. I'm excited to be here.
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Emma O'Brien: I'm really looking forward to this conversation. Time, kind of time, management, productivity, burnout. There are things that came up a lot on season, one of the podcast so I am excited to get into a conversation talking about how we can be more productive.
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Emma O'Brien: But without adding to overwhelm, because, I think that's a a big problem, for people and women have very busy lives. One of the complaints I hear from a lot of my clients is that they've got no time for themselves. I don't know. This is your zone of genius, so can you kick us off by sharing how a woman who's already overwhelmed, can begin to make time for herself.
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Daniela Wolfe: Absolutely and definitely, I think you know, for working. If we have families, we do end up unfortunately carrying the majority of the load, and I think when it comes to making time for ourselves, there's actually a step that a lot of people, I believe, miss, when it comes to that, because I think they need to do an action. But I actually, when I work with clients, I start with our mindset because I think we need to look at
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Daniela Wolfe: how we're thinking about our time, how we're thinking about tasks in order to change, how we're using it and how we're benefiting from it. Because even if, say, we did get 20 min for ourselves, 5 min for ourselves. But in our head we're still running through our do our to do list, feeling guilty feeling. You know all these other things. We're not gonna actually get the benefits from it. And we're still gonna feel overwhelmed
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Daniela Wolfe: and stressed because we not only took time away, but we didn't get the dishes done. We didn't do all these things, and so, by taking our mindset and looking at our thoughts about our time expectations.
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Daniela Wolfe: whether they're real or just even assumed. Looking at those limiting beliefs where our guilt is coming from is that 1st step in being able to make some more time for yourself, I believe. Then, also, I'm going to dive into a little bit of self-care in general, because I think the way people think about self-care is also what can trip us up. There's a lot of myths thinking it needs to be
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Daniela Wolfe: these luxuries, Spa days, massages that needs to be all this kind of time, and I disagree with that as well, because I think it's just like eating, sleeping, and brushing our teeth. It's a daily necessity that needs to be done on a regular basis, and it doesn't have to be for long periods of time. So it's everything from how? Yes, we eat, we sleep, we move, we connect with others, how we dress, how we decorate and organize our homes.
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Daniela Wolfe: how we think about money. There's so many small micro ways to implement self care throughout our day. The self care isn't just about feeling calm and relaxed. It's about building our confidence. It's about our energy, what we're putting out there.
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Daniela Wolfe: And so once we start to see the small micro moments in our day that we can start adding that in it helps to create just a feeling of not only control in our day, but also a feeling of confidence, a feeling of you know I've got this. I'm not overwhelmed, and it the benefits just kind of spiral forward into everybody around us.
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Emma O'Brien: Yeah, I think it's so important, and it is very easy for me to sit and talk to you about my self care routine, because I don't have children at home anymore. And it's kind of you know it's me and I work for myself. So I have a relatively loose and easy morning, and I notice a big difference when I
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Emma O'Brien: put 15 min of meditation into my morning, when I've put is I've got 11 min on my timer 11 min of yoga in the morning. It doesn't have to be big
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Emma O'Brien: an an hour's yoga class. I can't fit that in. Well, that's a again. This is very interesting. When you talk about mindset shifts around time. I could fit that in. I choose not to fit that in.
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Emma O'Brien: So I'm making choices around my time with that.
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Emma O'Brien: But even I figure 11 min of of Yoga is better than none, and I notice a big difference, and I think this is where
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Emma O'Brien: the self care piece is very interesting, for women is self. Care isn't selfish, but I think a lot of people tell themselves it is the more you step up and you
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Emma O'Brien: you take care of your body, you take care of what's happening in your mind, the more you learn to use self care as a means of managing your emotions the better you can step up for the people
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Emma O'Brien: around you. And I think that's something a lot of people forget.
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Daniela Wolfe: And it's so subtle, and it could be done very self, con, or subconsciously as well, that we don't even realize those shifts are happening like you said. You know I'm the same way. I have a 10 min Yoga routine. There's 4 min hit workouts. If you want more intensity in a shorter burst of time. It's about the consistency and the achievement rather than that long drawn out process, you know, just like you can't eat on Sunday and think you're not going to be hungry by Tuesday.
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Daniela Wolfe: Tuesday. You can't do self care once a week and think you're not going to be depleted. 2 days later we charge our phones on a regular basis. We make sure our cars don't run out of gas, and yet, when it comes to our self and our own energy. We wonder why we're so depleted. You know, on a regular basis.
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Emma O'Brien: Yeah. So I'd love to hear from you all women who are very busy, maybe women who've got children, women who who work for somebody else, and don't have the luxury of doing what they want in the morning.
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Emma O'Brien: What are some ways that very busy women can incorporate self care into a routine without it becoming something that oh, my God! It's another thing on my to do. List, cause that's not self care.
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Daniela Wolfe: No.
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Emma O'Brien: Like you've already touched on, like, if you're trying to cram it in, you end up resenting the fact that you're going to meditate for 5 min, which is
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Emma O'Brien: completely crazy.
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Daniela Wolfe: But
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Daniela Wolfe: but along that same line, when I do work with people who have a tough time, especially seeing in their schedule, how does this work. How do I fit it in? We start very simple where you set a reminder on your phone for 1 min, 5 times a day, and just for that 1 min. You don't do anything as far as going on. Email going on social media. You just sit. You can have a glass of water, maybe shrug your shoulders up and down. Do some
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Daniela Wolfe: breathing where you inhale for 4. Hold for 4. Exhale for 4, just for 1 min. Okay, and it doesn't have to be sitting still quietly. You might be walking somewhere. You might be walking to the end of your driveway to get your mail, you might, you know, be doing something for that minute, but just for 1 min.
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Daniela Wolfe: 5 times a day. You now do have a 5 min self care practice, and I think we all have a minute, even if you're sitting in traffic, even if you're doing, you know, just waiting in line at the grocery store for 1 min you can find a way to start kind of
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Daniela Wolfe: turning inwards, having that mindfulness where you're noticing things around you. Maybe you take your cup of coffee in the morning before you run out the door, and you just kind of hold it. You feel the warmth of the cup. You savor that 1st sift, and by doing just those subtle little things, it doesn't seem like a lot where all of a sudden you're like, Oh, I'm feel amazing. But you know, subconsciously, physiologically, your stress levels go down.
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Daniela Wolfe: your serotonin levels, you know. Go down, your cortisol goes down. You increase that dopamine hit of you, set a goal, and you accomplished it now. And you start to feel good about yourself in that way as well. And like, I said, using technology, it doesn't have to be. Remember to do it, you know, but to have that 1 min break. You can have your kids do it with you. This doesn't have to be done alone in isolation.
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Daniela Wolfe: You know self care can be loud, it can be laughter, it can be fun. But finding those micro moments throughout your day to integrate it like I said, start with that timer. 1 min glass of water, shoulder shrugs, and some breathing. You're now starting to get those benefits on a regular basis.
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Emma O'Brien: Yeah, I love that. And it's just so simple to. There is really no excuse for not being able to put a minute for yourself in in the day. I like to go out, even if you go outside and go and sit and listen to the birds singing wherever you are, even if you're in a city. If you sit quietly for a minute, you're going to hear birds singing, and that for me is very, is very soothing, and it's just nice to. I think nature is very soothing to be in, so go for a walk.
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Emma O'Brien: take your shoes off, put your bare feet on some grass for for a minute like you've said, just mindfully drinking a cup of coffee.
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Emma O'Brien: It's so important, and I love what you've touched. I'm a heart math practitioner. So one of the things I teach people to to do is to go and do 2 min of heart focus, breathing a few times a day, especially if they're very overwhelmed and stressed. But I really love what you've added in. There is not only are you reducing your stress levels, you're also getting a dopamine hit because you're actively, you're setting a goal, you and you're actually achieving it. And that's I've not looked at it like that before. And I think that's a really powerful
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Emma O'Brien: add on to these little self care practices that we are popping in.
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Daniela Wolfe: Yeah, I had this other coach I talked, chatted with once, and she was saying, You know, even just if you wanna add more movement. You know she brushes her teeth, and she does squats while she's brushing her teeth because she have to brush your teeth for 2 min anyways. When I use the restroom at work, I go up and down the stairs after before I go back to my desk, you know just those little moments all of a sudden, if I really looked at it throughout the day. My steps, you know, have increased
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Daniela Wolfe: up to 20,000, or you know I've added 10 min of movement to my day. All those little moments they do add up, and you do get those benefits where, like? I said, you might not feel them all at once. But over time you're able to respond rather than react to situations. Because you're not, you know, so agitated and overwhelmed.
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Emma O'Brien: Yeah, I think that's the thing with a self-care routine like this is adding mindfulness and breathing in like you've touched on. You're learning to calm your nervous system before it's getting stressed. And it's nervous system regulation. I think it's something that's a turn that's bandied around an awful lot at the moment.
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Emma O'Brien: But it's a very powerful tool to learn. And and really it's about noticing when your stress response is rising and registering. I'm starting to feel stressed now and then. You have a choice in that moment, like you've said to go for a quick walk. Go sit outside for a minute, and start to just calm it down before it goes completely off the rails, and before you know it, like you've said.
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Emma O'Brien: you're in a state of being unable to respond because you've been triggered into to reactivity. And it is, it's it's training, it's retraining yourself and.
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Daniela Wolfe: Yeah.
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Emma O'Brien: And and and what you're sharing is so brilliant because it doesn't have to be hours of training. It's a minute, a few times a day.
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Daniela Wolfe: But you're still creating new neural pathways in your brain, you know, and that's the thing people assume. Sometimes it can sound very like woo. And very, you know, kind of
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Daniela Wolfe: fluffy. But it is based in science. There's research behind the fact. And just like, if you were gonna go hiking in the woods, you know there's the path you've always followed that's well worn. But when you're creating a new path
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Daniela Wolfe: you need to kind of practice it. You need to have that consistency so that you kind of automatically habituate it and don't have to think about it. And that's where you don't feel overwhelmed doing it because it's easy. It's something you flow into. It's something that you've automated, just like we've automated our bad habits. We can automate good ones.
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Emma O'Brien: Yeah, I think that's brilliant. It's just about a reframe with it is habits. If they're bad, can be, you can untrain them, and you can replace them.
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Emma O'Brien: Daniela. I'd love for you to share a little bit about
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Emma O'Brien: productivity here, so we've talked about calming tools to calm that overwhelm.
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Emma O'Brien: And often, I think, when you learn these little habits of just calming the overwhelm, it's easier to think a bit clearer
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Emma O'Brien: when we can think more clearly, we can focus better.
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Emma O'Brien: But that's just one step of being productive. Talk to us a little bit more about how, when you're very busy, you can learn to be more productive rather than just being stuck in busy tasks, which I think is a is a trap for a lot of people.
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Daniela Wolfe: And I I love the way you started that, too, you know, cause I also say, when you think differently, you feel differently, and when you feel differently you act differently, and that's why we start with the thinking cause. Then the feeling and acting automatically follow that. And so when it comes to kind of looking to be more productive. That intention when you take the time to think about what's on your day, what's
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Daniela Wolfe: happening, and plan it out a little bit, and everyone has different styles. I know some people a little bit more Boho and free spirited, and don't want a super structured day. Other people, you know, I'd like to do some time blocking and intentionally create space between my tasks. But I think, knowing your priorities being very specific about having those goals for not only
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Daniela Wolfe: the you know, work tasks and family tasks, but also for your free time, is how you would make sure that it happens. I use it and I use it. Her Eisenhower Matrix. I don't know if you're familiar with that where it breaks down. Kind of you put your tele desk tasks into one of 4 quadrants. Whether it's important and urgent, important, and not urgent, urgent, but not important, which means you don't have to always be the one to do it, and that's where you can start delegating
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Daniela Wolfe: as well as what's not important when not urgent, and needs to be removed completely. And it's amazing sometimes you know how many things we don't even realize are in that last quadrant. But we still get sucked into doing them anyways, or you know, we're always afraid to delegate. We're afraid to ask for help because of again that mindset those limiting beliefs of what we assume. Other people are. Gonna think of us, or how we're
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Daniela Wolfe: judging ourselves because of it. And so if we're able to let those things go I've close friends with the Nutritionist, and she shares, you know, an a healthy meal doesn't always have to be completely homemade, you know. You can pick up a rotisserie chicken at the store some salad and a couple of you know, pre-made pieces and create a really healthy meal. But all of a sudden it's quick, it's easy. It's not a lot of work. You can still get that family time
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Daniela Wolfe: things if you reframe what that has to look like or how it has to happen. There's great meal services, you know, to stay with that concept. So to look at the options. I believe you know, knowing what our options are is so important, because every day does look different, and having more than one way to achieve a goal, is going to help us be flexible.
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Daniela Wolfe: Help us find that balance. When I talk about balance, it's not about everything being equal. It's about how we adapt, how we pivot, how we have resilience and how we set our boundaries. And when we have those 4 areas we can adapt, we have options. We can go through things differently because life's going to happen out of our control, anyways. And we have those boundaries. That's where we're going to feel that balance and peace rather than that constant, busy.
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Emma O'Brien: Yeah. And I think something I've been talking about. A lot at the moment with clients and on my socials. Is this piece about setting boundaries and people pleasing. And it's amazing how, when you talk about the the quadrant.
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Emma O'Brien: a lot of people get suckered into the not important and not urgent tasks somehow find their way to the top of the to do list, cause they're busy tasks, and, like you said, it's a great tool to really start to rate? Is this task moving me forwards? Is it? Is it profitable, you know? Is it? Does it add value to my life?
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Emma O'Brien: And do I want to be doing it, and I think often people end up, especially women end up taking on everything and saying yes to things when they'd actually prefer to say no, and that's a big mindset piece to start guarding your time, planning your time and looking at it. And if you've got people making requests of you that you can't do. It's time to start flexing that no muscle.
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Daniela Wolfe: Right. And I think, unfortunately, we put everything in the important and urgent. So that box is like jam packed where we're like.
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Emma O'Brien: Overflowing.
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Daniela Wolfe: Now, you know, and I think boundaries they're my favorite be word. I think boundaries are so freeing. I think they get a bad rap where we automatically assume boundaries are a wall or boundaries, or a hard no, but that's not necessarily the case. And if we rethink of what a boundary is, and why? There's boundaries. We have so many boundaries in our society. You know. We have personal space. We would never get too close to somebody, because we know that boundaries.
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Daniela Wolfe: not okay. We would never, you know, expect a store to be open at, you know, maybe
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Daniela Wolfe: 4 in the morning, because just because we're up doesn't mean that's when they're available. And yet we don't have those same personal boundaries, you know, but it when you communicate them, and when you set them. It's actually freeing for yourself and everybody else around you, because you've let go of that expectation. You've let go of that guilt
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Daniela Wolfe: and that kind of responsibility of having to be available for everybody all the time, even if, say, you know, you offered, somebody asks to request you say that your kids. PTA want you to bake cookies? Maybe you say I'd love to, but not this time. Can you sign me up for later? And then you're able to plan. You're able to have again that control back up your time so that it's not one more thing to the pile, but it's far enough out that it's creating its own space.
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Daniela Wolfe: Yeah.
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Emma O'Brien: Yeah, I think that's so important. I was just smirking then because I thought nobody from a Pta would ask me to bake anything.
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Emma O'Brien: I've given my husband food poisoning twice.
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Daniela Wolfe: Thank you, because.
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Emma O'Brien: No, nobody wants me to pay, so it's good. So I would. But again, this is also a really important talking point. Here is when somebody asks you to do something.
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Emma O'Brien: In one way, it's completely okay to say to them, I can do it. But I'm gonna have to do it this way. So for me, if somebody said to me, Could you bake some cookies for the Pta if I couldn't wiggle out of it, I'd say, you know what? I'm not gonna bake any. But I'm gonna buy some. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna get. I'm gonna pay for some.
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Daniela Wolfe: To be under the bath, correct.
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Emma O'Brien: Yeah. So so I think it's also we don't always have to say a hard no, with a boundary. Sometimes it can be. Actually, I can't do it that way.
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Emma O'Brien: I can do it this way if you want me to do it. And where can I send them to? And and that's it's it's looking at. How can you
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Emma O'Brien: alternate a task that you need to do or want to do? But you've not gonna do it in the way that's been asked. Can you do it another way? And it's just about communication. I think this is, I mean, we're going into a different direction with it. But it's it's about communicating effectively. And that's so important to communicate your own needs effectively.
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Daniela Wolfe: Absolutely those communications, knowing your options. And you know so many times people say to me, I'm not comfortable saying, no. How do I start to do that, and I always recommend starting with the easy nose, you know. Don't make it the hard. No, to your boss on a new project that's gonna feel uncomfortable, but maybe start with something small. You know, everyone's getting together to go for coffee, and you know you've got a lot on your plate
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Daniela Wolfe: rather than you know feeling bad about it. Say, oh, thank you for inviting me, you know. Start with that gratitude. I'm gonna have to decline this time. But I would love to, you know. Let me know next time, and I'll see what I can do. So it doesn't always have to be that hard negative. No, it's just about like you said, communicating, sharing your boundaries. Other people are gonna support you. If you know if you think about it, if someone came to you with those same stations
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Daniela Wolfe: statements you would totally support a front and be like, Oh, my gosh! You've got so much going on! We'll miss you, but we'll see you soon. You wouldn't be like oh, really, you know, and that's the thing we need to treat ourselves with same way. We would treat anybody else.
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Emma O'Brien: Yeah. And I. And I think it's about communicating your truth. And I know, for people who are chronic people pleases. It's really difficult to
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Emma O'Brien: to to be that honest sometimes, and, like you said, you can start to practice with a very gentle no, not today, but but next week, or I can't do it this time. But how? When are you next doing it? I'm going to put it in the diary right now.
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Emma O'Brien: And I think it's being okay with communicating your your own needs. And that come, we've kind of come full circle to the to a mindset again, is that's a big piece to work on is to
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Emma O'Brien: place your own needs
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Emma O'Brien: at the top of your importance
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Emma O'Brien: scale at the top of your to do list and really start to think about when you're planning your day, and you're busy and stressed out is, what can I feasibly take on today like you said, what can I delegate. And what can I just drop entirely off the list.
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Daniela Wolfe: Absolutely cause. Not only, I think, when we put ourselves at the top of our priority list, not only do we feel better, but we model for our kids. You know how to do this. We show everyone around us how important we are and how we deserve and need to be treated so, you know. So it's not just about us. It's about everybody else around us. And I think it also kind of gives everyone that permission to do the same for themselves.
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Daniela Wolfe: Yeah.
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Emma O'Brien: Yeah, I think that's the thing is when you especially if you've got daughters. I think it's very important. You know, there's a lot of women I know who
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Emma O'Brien: kind of stuff their feelings down and just go along with what's happening in life, and they really don't want to. And I kind of look at it and think, why are you not saying anything? But unless it's modeled to you, and unless you are taught to speak up for yourself and say what you want and set boundaries. It's difficult to know how to do it. So that's a such a great point, and I love that we've I love that we've covered that
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Emma O'Brien: I am going to. I'm going to wrap us up here. I would love for you to share. You have a Freebie for the listeners. And it's something relating to what we talked about today. Just share a little bit more about that, please.
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Daniela Wolfe: Sure it's called the reclaim your time in 10 min blocks, cheat sheet, and it is everything we just talked about. The fact that you know, you just need sometimes just 10 min to be able to take that time and take for yourself. So it has some great ideas as far as how to carve out that 10 min, and then what to do with it? Because so many times, if we don't know ahead of time what we want to do with our free time. That's where we can get stuck.
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Daniela Wolfe: you know, scrolling on social media. Oh, I'm gonna throw a quick load of laundry. And and so it has over 20 ideas of how to spend that time. And it doesn't like, I said, have to be alone. It could be with your kids. It can be with a friend. But being able to carve out those 10 min and try and do it a couple of times a day. Like you said. You have a morning routine. I have a morning routine, a nighttime routine, and a little bit in the midday, so at least 3 times a day. I'm taking at least
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Daniela Wolfe: 10 min, if not a little bit more, for myself, and it's it makes such a massive difference. So reclaim your time in 10 min blocks. Cheat sheet is gonna give you some great ideas.
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Emma O'Brien: Amazing. I'm going to pop the link to that in the show notes for folks to go and download.
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Emma O'Brien: Where can people find you online? Daniela.
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Daniela Wolfe: Sure my website is best. D, Lifecom, I'm also on Instagram, Linkedin and Facebook, best life. And yeah, reach out. Ask any questions you have. I love to connect. I love to chat.
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Daniela Wolfe: I also as well. That's with Daniela.
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Emma O'Brien: Brilliant. I'm gonna pop all the links to that in the show notes. So people can find you and connect with you. Thank you again for what's been a really insightful and valuable conversation. I think anybody listening might want to go back and listen again with a notebook, because there was a lot of information shared here that's really gonna help you reduce the overwhelm, care for yourself better and be more productive.
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Daniela Wolfe: Awesome. Thank you so much, Emma.
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Emma O'Brien: Thank you for being with us here today, folks. I hope you've enjoyed the episode pop over and say, Hi! On Instagram, I'm at Emma O'brien coach, and I will see you in the next episode, bye, for now.
