Episode 19: How to Follow your Desires & Create the Life you Want with Emily-Jane Sarroff

Have you ever felt a deep pull to go in a different direction with your life or career?

Do you have a secret desire to pursue something brand new but lack the courage to go for it?

If you have a deep call for something more but don't quite know where to begin, this episode is for you.

My guest, Emily-Jane Sarroff, shares how she made a major career U-turn just six months before completing her Masters degree in Architectural Design and how that HUGE decision enabled her to create a 6-figure business in just eight months.

We talk about:

• The mindset shift you need to make to create the life you really want
• Navigating the conflict between your heart and your head when it comes to big decisions
• Weighing up the impact of decisions (or indecision) on your mental health
• Giving yourself a permission slip to explore your passions
• How to strengthen and tune into your intuition
• Building self-trust so you stop doubting yourself
• How to reframe adversity as an opportunity to upskill and improve
• The value of learning to regulate your emotions to make quicker progress
• Building resilience and self-confidence by taking action
• Tapping your innate powerful and resourcefulness to achieve the success you desire

I loved this conversation with Em. Her tenacity and passion is inspirational!

Connect with Em on Instagram @empowerwithem

Listen to her podcast - Empower With Em here.

Are you fed-up of having your life ruled by stress? If what you need is more calm, better focus and improved productivity instead of constant frazzle and overwhelm, you'll love my brand new Stress Less PDF Guide.

Inside you'll find 21 practical, actionable stress reduction strategies to help you get your groove back. Buy the PDF guide here.

If you know you want more from your life or career but you're totally stuck about where to start, I invite you to book a complimentary strategy call with me here.

We'll uncover what's holding you back from the goals you want to achieve and you'll leave the call with actionable steps to get you moving in the right direction.

For the tea on me, how I work, who I coach and the packages I offer, please visit my website - www.emmaobriencoach.com

You can also connect with me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach where I share an abundance of tools, strategies and brilliant content, you might also see the occasional dog.

Check out two of my FREE online workshops:

My 7 Step Formula for Getting Unstuck

4 Ways to Stop Procrastination in its Tracks...

Transcript

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Emma O'Brien: Hi folks welcome to season 2 episode 19 of the lemons and pineapples. Podcast today, my guest is emily, Jane Saraf.

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Emma O'Brien: And we are talking about how to follow your desires and create the life and business that you really want. 1st a bit about my guest. Emily Jane's mission is to show entrepreneurs that the possibilities of what they can achieve in life is truly limitless, and the only thing stopping them from getting where they want to be is their mindset and skill set, both of which you have the power to shift.

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Emma O'Brien: She's a graduate of architectural design, a jay, shetty, certified life coach, a business mentor, social media, figure, host of the empower with M. Podcast and a 6 figure business owner, welcome to the Podcast M.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited for this conversation.

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Emma O'Brien: Yeah, me, too. I think this is just. These are important conversations to have, because I think there are

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Emma O'Brien: still, even in 2024, a lot of women who are are just not going for what they want. They're not stepping up for themselves, and my hope and my aim really is by sharing conversations like this to really encourage people who

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Emma O'Brien: have something they know they want to do, have a life that they know isn't quite in alignment to really go. All right.

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Emma O'Brien: I'm going to do this now. And I'm actually going to really go for what I want. You've got a very interesting story, and that you were.

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Emma O'Brien: I'd say, probably neck deep in an architectural design career.

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Emma O'Brien: Yeah, that was, take gonna take you on a on a particular path, and you had a big realization and a U-turn, and you went after something completely different. So can you share a little bit about

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Emma O'Brien: what happened? And

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Emma O'Brien: I think what I'm really interested in hearing about is

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Emma O'Brien: what was the mindset piece that made you go? This really isn't for me, and I have to go for something else.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: Yeah, like you said I was neck deep in my degree. I was onto my 5th year of studying. I had already graduated from my bachelors, so I was into my masters, and I only had 6 months left on my masters left to go before I was fully qualified.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: At the time. I was also working a 9 to 5 job in the architecture, industry, and all up. I had invested about $50,000 into that degree that path that I was on. So I had invested a lot of time, money, and energy into that specific path in life. But the thing that was really the indicator for me to consider a transition and consider actually pivoting and starting something else

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: was how I started to feel within my body as I was approaching that final 6 months in my degree.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: So I actually created my podcast the empower with them podcast at the start of my masters, and that became a bit of a passion project for me, so that 1st 6 months of that last year, in my degree, I was, on one hand working towards getting that piece of paper. But, on the other hand, I was discovering this thing that I was really passionate about which was personal development and podcasting. And I

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: started to find that naturally more and more and more of me wanted to be pouring into that than it was into my degree. And it reached a point where there was like such inner conflict going on within me, where my head is saying.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: focus on your studies, get your degree. Do what you gotta do. 6 months left to go. But then my heart was kind of pulling me in a different direction where I was like. But no, there's something else.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: There's something else that excites you more. There's something else that has so much more potential for what you could be stepping into with your future. And so it was that like inner conflict that I was experiencing, that was the big indicator for me that something needed to change, because the longer I felt that pull within me the worse and worse my mental health started to become.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: As I was avoiding taking the action that I, deep inside my heart knew I wanted to be taking. And so then I actually took a moment to pause and stop and ask myself, well.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: if I do spend the next 6 months, working towards my degree and continuing to shove this other thing aside. How am I going to feel?

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: How is my health gonna be? How is my mindset going to be? How am I going to be emotionally? Will I even be stable in any of those areas? And the answer was honestly, no, because at that point I did not feel stability in any way, shape or form, with my health, with my mindset, with my emotions, because of my degree. And so it became a bit of a non negotiable for me to go. Okay, well, if 6 months from now it's going to cost me a lot more.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: These things, then I need to do something to change that now. And that was really the permission slip. I needed to start to explore the potential of what I could be creating in alignment with my passions.

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Emma O'Brien: Yeah, amazing. So much in there. And I can very much relate to that inner conflict and that inner feeling. There's almost a part of you that goes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! We just.

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Emma O'Brien: And I think it takes great courage to listen to that, because often when we listen to that, it is very disruptive in terms of our like life circumstances for you, and we're going to talk a bit more about it. You could have done another 6 months and had yourself a career which obviously sounds like you were in the middle of building.

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Emma O'Brien: Yeah. And I say this with greatest of love as someone who's been an entrepreneur for 20 years.

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Emma O'Brien: A job is an easier path than being an entrepreneur. It is.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: Yeah.

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Emma O'Brien: Easier. It's easier. But sometimes

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Emma O'Brien: what is actually lights you up isn't the easy path. It's the path that you feel this inner pull to to go on, and I think so many women, especially women, kind of

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Emma O'Brien: my age when I'm 43, and I tend to coach women in a similar age bracket to me, who have almost

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Emma O'Brien: missed the boat of being able to do that. They got sucked into marriages or sucked into careers where they're told. This is

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Emma O'Brien: the thing you should be doing. This is the safe path this is, don't! Don't try and do your own thing. You know it's it's too.

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Emma O'Brien: it's too unpredictable.

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Emma O'Brien: and people kind of.

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Emma O'Brien: I think, shove down those feelings because those feelings of Hello! We'd actually like to be doing something else. You don't go anywhere.

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Emma O'Brien: and I think you know, I've I've done a lot of reading up around somatic work, and I think, reading up around the

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Emma O'Brien: impact of ignoring your inner desires on your not just your mental health, but your physical health.

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Emma O'Brien: Gabal Marte's book, when the body says No, is a really powerful read for anyone listening to this. Who's going? Oh, my God! I recognize this.

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Emma O'Brien: And he talked about they did. A study of women who were diagnosed with breast cancer.

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Emma O'Brien: and they got to the point. At this particular hospital. They were doing the study that the nurses could predict, whose lumpectomies and biopsies would come back

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Emma O'Brien: with cancer versus the ones who didn't. And it was always the women who'd been compliant

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Emma O'Brien: and put everybody else before themselves. That were the ones who would have breast cancer. It is, I think, we. We underestimate

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Emma O'Brien: the power of our desires, and what happens when we ignore them when we shove feelings down.

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Emma O'Brien: And I think this is such a a great invitation for for anybody listening to actually just start to think about what? Where am I ignoring what I actually want, and it doesn't necessarily mean you have to wake up tomorrow and go right. That's it. Pulling up the handbrake on everything. And I'm going to. But you can start to make incremental

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Emma O'Brien: changes.

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Emma O'Brien: So I'd love to hear from you if you can put into words a little bit that internal feeling that you had. You said you kind of you felt it in your body that there was this like.

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Emma O'Brien: Can you describe that a little bit more for me?

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: Yeah, I mean putting it simply. It just comes back to your intuition, right? Like we've all experienced our intuition in one way or another. And I think there's certain experiences that we have in our life that can strengthen our connection to our intuition. But that can also break

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: that connection to our intuition, or or make us doubt those intuitive tugs that we experience. Yeah. And for me, at that point in time I had a lot of evidence that had been built unknowingly.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: To make me put a lot of trust in my intuition. So when that feeling came up, it was like that inner knowing of this is what I need to do. This is what I'm being pulled towards, and this is what I need to be stepping into, you know, and and you can even test that feeling when it comes up by looking at the opposite right. The opposite for me was staying in my degree. And so, when I would ask the question of Okay, like, and visualize myself staying on that path, the feeling that would come up would be quite different.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: quite the opposite right. It wasn't that feeling of alignment right it was. It was. There was a feeling of knowingness, of knowing this that wasn't the path for me, right? So it really does come back to your intuition. And there's even been times in my journey following that decision where I've actually found my intuition was quieted down because of experiences that I had gone through. For example, I was in a domestic violence

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: relationship where that had broken a lot of my self trust.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: Yeah, I. And so when those intuitive nudges would come up, I never listened to them, because I no longer trusted it in myself. The way that I had previously. So the reason I bring that up is because if someone's listening to this and they're thinking, Oh, yeah, I can. I can relate to having felt that. But also I don't trust that feeling. Then I want you to actually understand why you don't trust that.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: and really come back and take a look at your relationship with yourself, your relationship with your own self Trust, because if you do not trust yourself, then you're not going to be able to

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: even listen, let alone follow those intuitive pulls that you are feeling.

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Emma O'Brien: Yeah. And I think that that's a huge piece. The Self Trust Piece. And one of the exercises I teach clients is a great way of testing this out. If you

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Emma O'Brien: have kind of

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Emma O'Brien: continually told your intuition to shut up repeatedly. To get back in touch with it is to think about a time that you felt really content and happy, and just notice what that feels like in your body, and then think about a time where something was really off like you, your your relationship

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Emma O'Brien: go back and think about something that's done and finished. So it's not sort of triggering in the now. And just think about that for a minute, and then think about how that feels, and you can compare the 2, and, like you've said, they will feel like polar opposites.

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Emma O'Brien: And this comes, you know, this is a a lot of this is deep work, and I think this is a journey of of getting to know yourself and learning to trust yourself, and being able to tune into your body signals, it will always give you a signal when something is off or something's a good idea.

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Emma O'Brien: but it's just retraining yourself to learn to listen to that. And I'm thrilled that you've brought this up because it is. It's such a powerful tool that everybody has.

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Emma O'Brien: and it can be cultivated with a bit of with a bit of practice as well. And it's amazing. And then you can just start to make decision decisions from a place of trusting yourself and knowing.

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Emma O'Brien: And I hear in your journey there was an awful lot of trusting the process, which is something I find really hard to do, because I'm really impatient. But if you can learn to trust the process and go oh, I'm being called in this direction, it really genuinely feels good.

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Emma O'Brien: Let me walk that way a little while and see what unfolds, because I found often when you're on the right path

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Emma O'Brien: it just tends to might not be the path that you think it's going to be, because we can't always predict it, but often it will just unfold beautifully for you if you let it.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: Completely agree. And one thing on a note that you mentioned there as well, when it comes to like training, your intuition, create opportunities to actually practice strengthening it. You know. One thing that I remember I used to do just for the fun of it is, I would intuitively make decisions on a small scale, so that when it came to making intuitive decisions on a big scale, I had already practiced feeling

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: the difference between intuition and fear or intuition and doubt right? And so a small example of something I used to do was just go to a cafe and intuitively order a drink. Don't overthink it. Just intuitively order. Do I want to juice? Do I want a coffee? Do I want a hot chocolate, and just really allowing myself to not think too deeply, but just

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: quickly feel into what it is that I want. Lean into that, trust that, and then, once the thing arrived.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: assess it, and go. Okay. Am I like fully happy that this is the thing that I ordered? If yes, amazing. I listen to my intuition. If no, then what was my intuition telling me, and how did I ignore it on this small scale? So that again, you can really be attuned to how that that differentiation is coming up in your body, so that when it does come to a bigger decision you have to make.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: you know what your signs and cues are to lean upon.

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Emma O'Brien: Yeah, wonderful. I think that's a really, that's a really great exercise. So for people to practice. And like you said, you then just start to with with actually, with no serious consequences at all. You can just you could do it in the grocery store, you know. Kind of am I gonna have this brand or this brand and make it a game, because the more you more fun you make it. Actually, I think the more you relax the more your intuition

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Emma O'Brien: is something you can access.

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Emma O'Brien: anyway. Often we just have to get our minds out of the way, which is which is challenging bit.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: Yes.

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Emma O'Brien: You had your you. You're 6 months away from completing your masters, and you go. -M, done.

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Emma O'Brien: Yeah. And you decided to embark on a career as a coach. You change, you did your jay shetty life coaching qualification.

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Emma O'Brien: Did you give yourself a time limit

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Emma O'Brien: on that.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: I actually did my jay shetty certification a year after starting my business. So I made my 1st 6 figures in business, and then decided and qualified when I quit my degree and job, I didn't put up any barriers. I didn't play into that belief that I need to go and get a certification in order to be able to go and start a business.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: I just hit the ground running, and I wanted to just build from the get go. So it was after I made that 1st 6 figures that then I was like, cool. Well, now, I've got a business. Go to client base natural. Next step. Let's further develop my coaching skill set so that I can deliver a even higher level of transformation. It was like I had reached the capacity of where I,

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: where my scope of works was at that point of time, and give me the natural next step, like any career path, is, how can I expand that further? And you know it's something I still actively do? Not necessarily in the form of certifications, but just constantly seeking continued learning of how can I be actively up skilling myself, learning new things so that I can become as valuable as I possibly can

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: come? And then ultimately my business's value will elevate, as my own personal value elevates.

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Emma O'Brien: Yeah, I I hear you entirely with that. So I I'm a photographer. I've got photography business as well. And I started out mentoring other photographers, which was great.

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Emma O'Brien: And then I kind of realized much like you. You kind of hit a level of where you can take people to with the skill set you have. So I was kind of thinking. Actually, I'm

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Emma O'Brien: all I can really do is mentor other photographers who are kind of behind where I am, if you like. I mean, I've been in business for a very long time, but

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Emma O'Brien: you can only take people to a certain point, and and then I kind of, and then I looked at it and thought, but what if?

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Emma O'Brien: What if somebody in a different business wants some coaching? Well, I'm going to say, sorry I can't help you, because my skill set doesn't take me there. So that's when I also I did the Martha Beck life coaching, certification. And actually you are armed. When you

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Emma O'Brien: up your coaching skill set. You are armed with a toolkit that allows you to really work with anybody, because I think it's just such a transferable set of skills. And I think this this is so important when you're

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Emma O'Brien: building a business or even moving your career along is to keep learning. And like you said, I'm a big reader. And I listen to podcasts. And I'm always kind of hungry for more

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Emma O'Brien: information. And you know, I'm training to be a shaman at the moment. So that's a whole other level of things that are happening there with that. But it's

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Emma O'Brien: it's amazing how those skills transfer into, you know, working with non non woo, woo clients as well. So really powerful, really powerful piece there.

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Emma O'Brien: building a business is hard if anyone who's got one will know. And I'm curious as to

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Emma O'Brien: how you've approached adversity and how you've managed to keep going when you've had moments of thinking, maybe this isn't working. This is really hard. I'm kind of stuck, and I don't know what to do.

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Emma O'Brien: How have you got yourself through those moments?

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: Yeah, I mean, the 1st thing that comes up for me there is that every new challenge is just a new skill away. Right? So when it does come to business and facing different challenges in your business, if you've if you're experienced with a certain challenge, you're gonna be equipped to be able to navigate that into the 1st time that you navigate it. Yeah, it was probably a lot harder, but then the second, the 3, rd the 10th time that you come across that same challenge, you feel really confident, because you've got the

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: skills to be able to navigate that. So whenever I face a new challenge in my business. I look at it and go. Okay. Well, instead of wishing that this was easier, how can I become better so that I'm then equipped to be able to navigate this challenge, what skill do I need to learn? What do I need to be able to understand? What problem do I need to look and explore more creative solutions

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: around in order to get closer to getting that solution. And it really does come down in all of my experiences whenever I'm stumped with a new roadblock that does throw me off my feet a little bit, because it's something I've never experienced before, I ask that question of How can I become better so that I can navigate this? And then that's gonna tell me, is it something to do with my skills. Is it a knowledge gap I need to bridge?

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: Is it something within my own like personal self like, do I need to learn how to regulate my nervous system in new ways, to be able to navigate this roadblock that's being experienced. And that's really all it does come down to is, and what I tell my clients as well

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: is don't get so emotional about the challenges and the problems that you face, because when, of course, there's gonna be an emotional reaction. But the longer you take to actually move past that emotion, the longer it's gonna take you to solve that problem. So we need to get ourselves into that logical mindset to actually be able to move through a challenge or a problem that comes up. And this is where it really comes back to learning how to regulate your emotions

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: so that you can snap out of that emotional state a lot quicker and just get into that problem, solving state where you're like, okay, who do I need to become? How do I? How do I solve this by shifting a skill, a knowledge gap, something within myself to be able to move forward.

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Emma O'Brien: Yeah, I think it's brilliant. And and I love that. You're seeing these challenges as a challenge. It's like, it's like thrown down of, okay.

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Emma O'Brien: how can I solve this? And I think that's a that's a really powerful reframe. And it's a really powerful mindset mindset shift to make is rather than looking at looking at challenges that come up as obstacles of why is this happening to me?

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Emma O'Brien: Is.

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Emma O'Brien: why is this happening for me? And what is the opportunity for me here.

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Emma O'Brien: It's a big piece of work I've been. I've been doing over the years of self development I've been doing is starting to reframe failure and really look at it and say, Okay, what failure? I don't think anything's really a failure. But what's the opportunity for me here, like you've said, do I need to learn something new? Do I need to ask for help from somebody? Because again, the thing is, you don't have to navigate through these things on your own it it's often it's far harder if you think you've got to figure everything out yourself. You haven't.

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Emma O'Brien: And you know, what do I, what do I need to do differently? Who do I need to be? How do I need to show up differently

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Emma O'Brien: in order to get past this? Because I can guarantee you if there's somebody else who's got past the same challenge as you, you're just as capable of of dealing with it and

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Emma O'Brien: overcoming challenges, builds your resilience level, and you touched on it earlier is the more you

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Emma O'Brien: come into contact with things that feel like obstacles and then work away round them the next time something happens, you know full well, I sorted it last time. I can sort it this time, and you will do it much quicker. And that's how self confidence is built is from taking action. And it's it's so powerful. It's hard because it does require.

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Emma O'Brien: I think, often, especially with building a business. You end up kind of falling down, and you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and go again, and you just have to go again one more time to get past it.

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Emma O'Brien: and that is, that can be a challenge. But I think it's once you start to get into the swing of doing that. It's a it's a complete game changer.

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Emma O'Brien: And what is one piece of advice you would give to a woman who is listening to this, who knows? She wants something more.

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Emma O'Brien: but is afraid to take that 1st leap.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: Yeah, I would say, just realize how powerful you really are, and when you allow yourself to stand in your power.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: those fears start to soften

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: right when you stand in your power, you trust that you've got this. You trust that you can navigate it. You trust that you'll get resourceful. You'll figure it out. If you fall over. If you fail, you'll get back up. You'll move forward.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: Then you become

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: indestructible

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: in the pursuit of things that you want to be doing

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: so. That would be the biggest thing is to just stand in your power and realize how freaking capable you truly are. And if you stop listening

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: to that, to that voice inside your head that is trying to make you doubt your decisions, make you doubt the direction that you want to be going in, start to listen to a different voice, because there is a voice in there who does believe in your potential. There is a voice in there that does know you can do it. And so it's about switching the radio station inside your mind that you're listening to and tuning into a frequency that's really gonna support you with leaning in and going after the thing that you want to go after.

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Emma O'Brien: Amazing, such great advice. This has been a brilliant conversation. I'm really glad we've connected, and I think it's

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Emma O'Brien: it's inspirational to hear that you have

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Emma O'Brien: literally just gone. Okay, this is what I want to do. And I'm going to go. And and

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Emma O'Brien: and the more the more you can demonstrate to people that this is possible.

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Emma O'Brien: I had a a conversation yesterday with somebody, and and we were saying, you know, when you

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Emma O'Brien: shine your light

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Emma O'Brien: in whatever way that looks like for you. You give other people permission to do the same thing. And I think it's what we need as a collective at the moment is more people stepping up and actually.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: Yeah.

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Emma O'Brien: Having lives that are fulfilling, not just lives that are happening to you is, how can you make, you know, make life happen the way you want it to so brilliant. I love all of this

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Emma O'Brien: M. How can people connect with you?

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Emma O'Brien: Where can we find your podcast and for the business owners listening. You have a free resource as well. So just tell us about all of those things.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: Yes, so the best place to find me is on Instagram. I'm just at empower with M. So I'm very easy to find. That's where I hang out the most. So feel free to jump into my dms and let me know that you came from this podcast episode. And I can send you through a freebie, which is my 6 figure system training. So that actually breaks down the exact

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: system that I used to build myself a 6 figure business in just 8 months, at the age of 22 years old. And then, if you do, wanna listen to my journey, you can check out the empower with them. Podcast I've been doing my podcast for literally before I started my official business. So you can go all the way back, listen to 22 year old M. And everything that she was going through at that point in her journey, that big transition

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: and hear it 1st hand from her as well as tune into every milestone that's really happened. Between then and now.

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Emma O'Brien: Amazing. I'm going to pop the links to those in the show notes. And I was just thinking, while you were saying that it's wonderful that you've got a podcast that's almost like a an online diary of your.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: Yeah.

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Emma O'Brien: Progress. And one thing that I said to somebody when I started, my podcast was cause. It's a bit of a, it's a steep learning curve running a podcast. And I said to somebody, you know, I can probably at least at least, if the 1st few episodes are completely shit, I can just get rid of them. And she said, Why would you get rid of them? Because they're kind of where you were? And I think it's really amazing for people to listen to

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Emma O'Brien: someone's 1st podcast compared to their 100th podcast and you will see you will hear the progress. And I think that's that in itself is really inspirational. So folks go listen to Em's podcast.

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Emma O'Brien: And thank you. Again, for joining me. This has been really wonderful. I've really enjoyed chatting to you.

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Emily-Jane Sarroff: Thank you so much.

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Emma O'Brien: Thanks for being with us today, folks. I will see you same time next week bye, for now.