Episode 9: 7 Steps to a Happier New Year

If your 2024 was anything like mine, you'll be hoping for a reprieve this New Year.

Despite some lows in what was a tricky year, there were also some great learnings which I'm sharing with you in the first podcast of 2025.

Have a listen to discover:

• How to find gratitude where you are, even if it's not quite where you want to be right now
• The value of setting clear, attainable goals and how to go about doing so
• How to get out of the comparison trap
• Why speaking your truth is so incredibly important for your happiness
• Why listening to your feelings rather than shutting them up is a game changer
• New ideas for self-care practices to boost your mood
• The key to doing more of what makes you happy

Speaking of which, I'm heading in a bit of a new direction with my coaching in 2025. After quietly enjoying 18 months of deep spiritual practice, which I've purposely kept well tucked away (hello worrying about what everyone will think) and what's turned out to be a mid-life awakening, I'm leading with my intuition henceforth.

I've added Intuitive Clarity Sessions into the mix as well as making coaching available by the hour so that my work is more accessible for more people - find out more here.

Are you fed-up of having your life ruled by overwhelm and stress? If what you need is more calm, better focus and improved productivity instead of constant frazzle, you'll love my brand new Stress Less PDF Guide.

Inside you'll find 21 practical, actionable stress reduction strategies to help you get your groove back. Buy the PDF guide here.

If you know you want more from your life or career but you're totally stuck about where to start, I invite you to book a complimentary strategy call with me here.

We'll uncover what's holding you back from the goals you want to achieve and you'll leave the call with actionable steps to get you moving in the right direction.

For the tea on me, how I work, who I coach and the packages I offer, please visit my website - www.emmaobriencoach.com

You can also connect with me on Instagram @emmaobriencoach where I share an abundance of tools, strategies and brilliant content, you might also see the occasional dog.

Transcript

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Emma O'Brien: Hi folks, a very warm welcome to season. 3. Episode 9 of the Podcast 7 steps to a happier new year, and I will start by saying, Happy New Year. I hope 2025 is a really good one for you, I think, for many of us 2024 was a really challenging year. So here's hoping for an improvement. I wanted to share in this episode

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Emma O'Brien: some steps to have a happier New year from now

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Emma O'Brien: happiness is something I have given a lot of thought to. It's something that comes up often in sessions with clients, and it's something that I think a lot of us are constantly in search of, and we tend to seek quite externally for it a lot of the time and my own journey of self-development, and that I have been on has taught me that. Actually, we have to learn

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Emma O'Brien: to be happy where we are, with what we've got, and I'm going to share some ways that you can do that.

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Emma O'Brien: But I wanted to kick this off with a lovely metaphor about happiness that perhaps you can relate to.

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Emma O'Brien: Let's say you have a green apple.

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Emma O'Brien: and even though you're hungry, although if you're hungry, I don't know why an apple would be the thing you would reach for. But let's just run with this metaphor. We have a green apple, and we're hungry. But you've told yourself, because lots of other people have said it to you.

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Emma O'Brien: and it's how you've been conditioned. And it's what you believe that actually, red apples are better.

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Emma O'Brien: And even though you're hungry, you want a red apple. So this green apple is not good enough. It's not what you want. You're not going to enjoy it. It's not going to be sweet enough, crunchy enough tasty enough. We don't really want the green apple, so we're going to chuck the green apple away, and we're going to sit and be hungry until we can have a red apple. Now substitute the green apple for your

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Emma O'Brien: current situation, your house, your marriage, your partner, your job, your salary, where you live.

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Emma O'Brien: and you sit here. And actually, what you're after

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Emma O'Brien: is a better partner, a different job, more money, a bigger house, a better car.

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Emma O'Brien: But you're sitting with the green apple equivalent, and you want the red apple equivalent. And what we tend to do is sit and look at all the things we don't.

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Emma O'Brien: All the reasons. What we've got is not enough, and we tell ourselves that when we have the red apple equivalent, the bigger house, the better car, when we get a new relationship. Everything will be good.

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Emma O'Brien: The trouble is until we learn to be happy where we are

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Emma O'Brien: whilst we're on the journey to the thing we want. We're humans, we are always striving and moving forwards. We're always going in a forwards direction. If we're not, we tend to be purposeless and feel very stuck.

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Emma O'Brien: The trouble is often, and I have found this because I found myself in this situation I speak from experience with this is, you can end up constantly striving for something else, and telling yourself when I have that thing. That's when I'll be happy. And the trouble is, when you get to the red apple. You find that you got the red apple, but it's not quite the right shade of red. It's not crunchy enough. It's not sweet enough. I need more red apples.

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Emma O'Brien: And so it goes on. So until you learn to be present and be okay and appreciate where you are in your life. Right now.

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Emma O'Brien: you will never be happy when you get the bigger, better thing. If you can't be happy with a green apple. You aren't going to be happy with a red apple.

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Emma O'Brien: So now I've taken you on a metaphorical medical mystery tour. I want to share with you some of the things that I have implemented in my own life, and the things that I help my own clients with, that I know are tried and tested happiness boosters that are really really easy to do, and they help you be able to be okay with where you are. As you move forwards to where it is. You want to be

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Emma O'Brien: so number one is to find reasons to appreciate and be grateful for what you have and where you are right now. So I will give you an example, there have been lots of conversations in this house about wanting to move to a small holding.

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Emma O'Brien: We've got a set of neighbours who are quite irritating. There is. They've got a very loud alarm system. It is very, very irritating.

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Emma O'Brien: and it would be easy to sit and say, Do you know what we're going to be happy when we don't have any neighbours, and I'm sure we are going to be happy when we don't have any neighbors. But we're going to be happy when we don't have any neighbors, and until we don't have neighbours we're just going to be agitated and constantly focus on how annoying the neighbors next door are okay.

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Emma O'Brien: Instead.

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Emma O'Brien: the thing to do is to sit and say, Okay, the goal is a small holding which Emma is going to fill with all manner of animals.

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Emma O'Brien: but where we are now we have a house, we have a garden.

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Emma O'Brien: We can be grateful for that, and we can also have a look at. How can we improve upon what we've got right now? So the 1st thing is a conversation with the neighbours about the alarm which will probably solve the problem. This will be conversation number 2, but I'm confident it'll solve the problem.

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Emma O'Brien: And to think about we. We have a house. We have a garden.

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Emma O'Brien: We, you know, we have a nice spot here, and what this spot will do is enable us to leverage it to get hold of our small holding at a future date and time. But it's important that we don't let the thought of. Once we move somewhere.

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Emma O'Brien: we'll be happier because we have nice birds in the garden. We have some nice trees in the garden of all sorts of bats and things that we'll also have on a smallholding, so I can appreciate the wildlife we have here now.

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Emma O'Brien: whilst we're on the way to the small holding, so we can be grateful grateful for that. So have a think about.

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Emma O'Brien: Even if you are after a promotion at work, you're after a newer car, a bigger house, whatever it is. What's great about where you are. Now, how can you sit and and have a look and go? Okay, this is what I really enjoy about where I am. Now.

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Emma O'Brien: The second thing is to set clear attainable goals, for where you want to go often we can end up, especially at the beginning of a year, when we go. Oh, New Year's resolution! Crazy is you end up setting massive goals that are so big and they're so out of reach that you just never get to them. And you actually just set yourself up to fail.

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Emma O'Brien: I've done this repeatedly, year on year with money goals. This year. I sat and had a look, and I went. Okay, can we be realistic and perhaps take a 0 off the big money goals that I haven't been able to hit? And let's get real? What

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Emma O'Brien: comfortably, if I knuckle down and have a plan, can I reach? And how am I going to break that down?

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Emma O'Brien: It isn't going to be divided up into 12, because it's January. I'm not going to. I'm not going to hit a big month in January.

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Emma O'Brien: so how can I make it manageable?

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Emma O'Brien: So set your goals and then work backwards of okay, what? What needs to happen for this goal to to be achieved by the end of the year?

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Emma O'Brien: I broke it down into quarters. What do I need to to make each quarter? And how many sessions do I need to sell?

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Emma O'Brien: What do I need to do to generate the money, and then you can kind of work backwards from there.

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Emma O'Brien: And what do I need to do each day to move me closer to that goal. And when you can break a big goal like a year long, financial goal down into smaller steps. Of what? What are 5 things I need to do each day to move me closer to that goal. You have a plan, and when we have a plan we're more likely to hit a goal, and when I say attainable goals should be a stretch. Because if it was really easy to do, it's not really a goal. It's just kind of general life.

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Emma O'Brien: But it should be a stretch. But it shouldn't be something like, I said, that's completely impossible, because I think if it's too big of a stretch. You tend to sit and go. Well, there's no point trying, because I'm never going to get there.

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Emma O'Brien: so make them attainable and break them down into small steps and have a look at what do you need to do each day to move towards them and have a tick list? Make sure you do those 5 things each day? Who's going to hold you accountable? And why does it matter? I think that's the thing with goals. Why does it matter? So we come back to the small farm smallholding.

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Emma O'Brien: That's the eventual goal. So I know why I'm working towards that, because I'm going to yeah, I'm going to adopt a retired racehorse. I've decided just to add some chaos into my life.

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Emma O'Brien: Number 3. Stop comparing your progress to other people's.

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Emma O'Brien: I think, especially in this world of social media. It's so easy to look at what other people are doing. Compare where you're at. And when you come up short to say, well, clearly, I'm never going to do it. I'm not good enough. I'm not successful enough. All of those things. Your imposter will arrive. Your inner critic will arrive.

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Emma O'Brien: enforce. If you're comparing yourself to other people. A it's a massive waste of energy, because imagine all the time you could spend taking your 5 action steps towards your goals rather than scrolling through socials and looking at what other people are doing and being triggered by it.

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Emma O'Brien: All it does is it sets you into. Set your nervous system off, which, then, has a chain reaction of stopping you from focusing, and before you know it, a week has passed you've done nothing. And

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Emma O'Brien: because you've just been sat in a comparison trap. So stop comparing yourself to other people

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Emma O'Brien: unless you know somebody really well, and you know their journey, in which case you probably won't be comparing yourself unfavorably to them. You have no idea where they've come from, what they're doing, what their goals are, why, they're doing what they're doing, how long they've been doing it, for how much help they have or don't have, you have no idea.

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Emma O'Brien: and often we end up comparing our beginning to somebody else's career when they're 10 years in. You can't compare the 2. And it's it's really it's actually cruel to do that to yourself. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Number 4. Learn to speak your truth and ask for what you want.

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Emma O'Brien: The thing I have found game changing in my own life has been learning to communicate effectively. This has been

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Emma O'Brien: the thing that has saved my marriage.

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Emma O'Brien: and if I compare where my husband and I are at now, when we have altercations and discuss altercations, verbal altercations, when we have discussions or arguments about things, at how much better we both are at listening to each other and communicating what is happening internally for both of us. To the other person

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Emma O'Brien: it can be hard, it's taken trial and error, but it is really important to be able to communicate effectively. I think a lot of unhappiness in most people's lives, especially in interpersonal relationships, is down to ineffective communication.

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Emma O'Brien: Second, guessing, trying to read minds, expecting someone else to read your mind, all of those things will just set you up for being really, really miserable. So learning to speak up, ask for what you want, and really communicate what's happening internally for you to another person, so they can do something about it, or do something with that information is a absolute game changer. So I highly recommend having a bit of an inventory of your communication style, and seeing where you could improve upon that

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Emma O'Brien: number 5, learn to listen to the feelings and emotions that you experience.

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Emma O'Brien: Very often we end up shutting them down. We medicate them with anti-anxiety pills, with antidepressants, with alcohol, with scrolling, with chocolate, with shopping. There's lots of ways we tend to shut up our emotions.

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Emma O'Brien: Now, sometimes it is essential that we have our emotions medicated. If they, if you are feeling very overwrought, if you are chronically depressed, if you are suicidal anything like that. I'm not suggesting anyone stops taking meds. That is, when you need to have some proper psychiatric help. So. But I'm talking about general day-to-day things.

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Emma O'Brien: If you can learn to listen to the feelings that come up and give them a little bit of space, you will get some very valuable information about your internal landscape.

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Emma O'Brien: things like anger, things like being triggered

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Emma O'Brien: by things like going through social media and being triggered, being triggered in conversations, feeling anxious, feeling, jealous, feeling sad

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Emma O'Brien: are indicators of what's happening internally, and when you can take a bit of a moment to reflect on what is that anger telling me. Why am I angry? What is happening on a deeper level for me? With that

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Emma O'Brien: you'll hear me talk quite often about nervous system regulation. Now, our emotions, especially big emotions, like anger and rage and anxiety. They're very energizing, and they're very kind of stress response emotions. And they are things that it is very useful to have nervous system regulation tools, to be able to calm them down.

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Emma O'Brien: The overarching goal of nervous system regulation is to help you manage big emotions, so they don't explode out all over the show everywhere. It is not to regulate them away.

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Emma O'Brien: You can use nervous system regulation tools to not allow emotions to rule your life, but it is really important to learn to listen to them, otherwise they never really go away. So if you have

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Emma O'Brien: a sense of anger coming up on a regular basis. Can you sit with that and really dig into what is that about? Is there

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Emma O'Brien: a value that's constantly being violated. Is there a belief that you're running that you need to address? Is this some old stuff that's coming up? And it's actually asking for your attention?

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Emma O'Brien: Emotions are signposts as to the work there is to be done internally, so if you can start to listen to them, they will steer you in a in a direction.

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Emma O'Brien: It's been a big part of the self-development work I have done is learning to sit with difficult feelings. They're very uncomfortable to sit with, but when you can learn to sit with them and start to listen to them and go, okay, what's this really about? You can do the big work that really changes your life in the long run.

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Emma O'Brien: Number 6 is to practice more self-care. And by this I mean making sure you're getting enough rest, making sure you're getting enough sleep as far as possible, making sure you are eating nutritious foods. Here's the apple, making sure you are

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Emma O'Brien: connecting regularly with people with whom you feel safe and nurtured. There are lots of things you can do for self-care that don't have to cost money, and they don't take too much time up

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Emma O'Brien: 5 min meditation in the morning, just to clear your mind and set yourself up for the day, are really really valuable, but you can't pour from an empty cup, and the better you look after yourself.

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Emma O'Brien: the less you're going to be plagued by big, difficult emotions, because they, as I say, they come up when there's things to look at when you're practicing self-care, you're giving yourself time journaling, reflecting. You'll find that you feel a lot better.

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Emma O'Brien: Number 7. The last one is to do more of what makes you happy.

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Emma O'Brien: Big lesson for a lot of us in life.

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Emma O'Brien: and this is something I talk through with coaching clients often is, what do you want to do? What makes you feel happy? What makes you feel fulfilled?

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Emma O'Brien: And often, especially women.

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Emma O'Brien: tend to put their own happiness and fulfillment on the back burner. Because we're sorting everybody else out. We're working hard. We're dealing with children. We're looking after a household.

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Emma O'Brien: Where is the time for you?

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Emma O'Brien: When

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Emma O'Brien: you feel happy when you feel good, you are able to show up in a far better way for other people.

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Emma O'Brien: and you live your more authentic self and your more authentic life and

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Emma O'Brien: life is better when we're doing things that we enjoy. You know we have this human existence for a limited amount of time. Do you want to slog through it and just kind of get through each day until you die? No, thanks. I'd like to be doing stuff I enjoy. And I think it's really important to get a handle on

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Emma O'Brien: and listen to and understand what makes you happy and see how you can bring more of that into each day. So you do feel better in the present moment you're not constantly out seeking for the red apples of happiness when you're sitting with green apples.

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Emma O'Brien: Because if we're constantly waiting and deferring happiness, because when this happens I'll be happy.

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Emma O'Brien: We're never truly happy.

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Emma O'Brien: so I hope this has been a helpful set of tools for you to start your New Year off in the right way. And speaking of doing more of what makes you happy. I've had a bit of a pivot with my coaching and with my business.

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Emma O'Brien: and it's taken me a while to actually be honest about what's been happening with this. I've been on a path for the past 18 months, really, of working with a Shaman shaman for other people, potato, potato and doing a lot of spiritual work. I've been doing

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Emma O'Brien: all sorts of fun things, and I've realized it's a path I want to go down. It makes me. It makes me happy. I'm a highly intuitive person, and yet I've kind of tucked that away because I didn't know if I should be taking that out into the world. You know, people are going to think I'm strange. Yes, they are. And it's completely okay.

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Emma O'Brien: So I have a couple of new offerings for you on the coaching front. The 1st one that I'm really excited about is, I've started to offer intuitive clarity sessions, which is.

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Emma O'Brien: I will have my Tarot deck or my oracle deck. You can choose, and we can sit and work through something that is keeping you stuck. Question you've got, if you're not sure on a direction. It's a really great jumping off point to have a conversation and see if we can get you some fresh perspectives and some clarity on something that's keeping you stuck. Not fortune telling. Unfortunately, I'm not psychic.

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Emma O'Brien: but I can intuitively help

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Emma O'Brien: interpret which cards we pull and help you come up with a plan to to move forwards in perhaps a direction you hadn't thought of so intuitive clarity sessions. There's a link in the show notes. You can book one of those super affordable. It's 45 pounds $55, or for South African 650 Rand. So you can book one of those in the show notes, and I've also rejigged the pricing with my coaching as well. So it is now super

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Emma O'Brien: affordable, and you can book individual sessions with me as well, which weren't available before. So again.

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Emma O'Brien: Link is in the show notes, you can pop through to the website and have a look at that and

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Emma O'Brien: pop me a message for more information. You can book a free strategy. Call with me to talk through what's happening and how I might be able to help you, but I'm really excited to be taking my work in a direction that

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Emma O'Brien: I feel very called to go in. I'm following my happy with this, and I invite you. If there's been something you've been thinking about, there's something that you know would make you happy. But you're not sure about doing it. I invite you to get curious about it, and see if you could take the 1st step into that.

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Emma O'Brien: Thank you for being with me today. It's great to be back happy. 2025, and I will see you same time next week bye, for now.